Reflections on a friend

For the past few weeks, thoughts and memories of Debrah have been flooding through my consciousness. It's been a year since she passed away so prematurely. 

While I miss her, I'm still so inspired by all that I learned and experienced in the time I knew her. Thinking of you my friend.

Embrace your inner child

One of the wonderful things I've realized is that through words written and correspondence received over the years, I have a tangible connection to Debrah's wisdom and spirit. A vibrant and committed wellness proponent, she was also very open about her own struggles, lessons and path - whether sharing her latest inspiration in yoga class, helping a client explore their life plan in coaching, or trusting a friend with a business challenge. I loved that about her.

She also expressed many of her ideas in several books, articles and on her website. One of her writings featured the decision to pursue more fun in her life, to break away from being such a mature, professional, restricted adult:

"... My creativity was buried beneath layers of responsible adult behaviour... how dull!
To reclaim my creative inner child I began to watch children at play. I heard them sing out their laughter with no heed for who might be listening... or frowning. I watched them run and jump and skip without any regard for smudged clothing, disheveled hair or proper behaviour. Their faces beamed with vast reserves of joy and giggles long forgotten in the maturity of adulthood. They have so much to share if only we allow their wisdom to touch us... their innocence to soften our worried view of the world.

Then I let my creative inner child run and jump and skip, too. We played on the swings and climbed the inside of an old tree trunk (I got thoroughly soaked and smudged in the rain - it was so worth it!). I ventured further outside my box... stayed up all night to see the sun rise, watched several movies in a row until 3 am with a girlfriend, lazed in bed until noon on a sunny day 'just because', enjoyed red wine without guilt for the first time in a dozen years, indulged in exotic foods simply to tingle my tastebuds, dug out my watercolour pencils to draw for the first time in years, sang out loud with the windows down in my car, listened to new kinds of music... all for the sheer joy of it!

As a result I feel freer, more playful, more open, more creative, more loving. While I am not advocating that you disintegrate your health with nasty new habits in the name of fun, I am suggesting you experiment. Give yourself the pleasure of discovering what lives outside the box you have declared home for your spirit. Take your inner child to the playground... join the fun. Cook something unusual. Drive a different way to work. As the author Sark says, "invite someone dangerous to tea." Use your good china. Wear a new colour. Change your hairstyle. Go to an unusual play or movie. Finger paint. Let your creative spirit begin to move a bit more freely and stand back to watch what shifts in your life. You will be happier and, as idealistic as it sounds, so will the world around you. One more cheerful person on the planet contributes to all our well-being!..."*

With spring in the air, it feels like a very good time to embrace this suggestion. :)

* pp 28-29, Christmas Musings, 2005, Debrah Rafel

An inspirational story

With all that has been said and done since Debrah's passing, the prevailing message is to embrace life and treasure love.

A true example of this was the relationship of Debrah and her husband Don. While it is sad that he must now continue without her, we all know that her spirit, memory and legacy will live on.

Don has posted this beautiful tribute that he created for Debrah's memorial, including the song that he wrote and performed for their wedding.

Superbugs

Over the past week several media channels, including CBC, have covered Debrah's story as the word has gotten out that she died of C. difficle, one of the awful superbugs that can threaten patients in hospitals and other health care facilities. This following a routine surgery about six weeks earlier.

In husband Don's words, Debrah was "a bundle of energy and the picture of health" as she was a yoga instructor, health and wellness consultant and coach. She practiced what she preached, including healthy diet, exercise and self-care, and was truly an inspiration to others. The most common terms used to describe Debrah at her memorial were "luminous" and "radiant".

The fact that she gave birth to twin daughters in July - at the age of 46 - was a testament to her vitality. And so it has been a shock to all that Debrah could succumb to a health crisis. How could this happen? Although medical terminology may describe how it did happen, it seems unacceptable and unfair. Is it simply a random example of the state of our health care?

This has resulted in many saying we should all stay away from hospitals and surgery unless it's absolutely critical. This, on top of Debrah's untimely death, makes me very sad as I fervently believe in Canada's universal health care system.

I truly hope that the awareness generated by Debrah's story, and of the many others struck down by mysterious infections, will result in the better understanding and prevention of these viruses. It is no secret that the shortage of personnel, training and funding are affecting the standards expected and required in hospital wards and operating rooms across our country.

It is difficult to reconcile how someone who practiced a holistically healthful approach all her life has become the victim of a system that's there to care for us all.

Sad and yet glad

Many of my past conversations with Debrah centred around paradoxes and this trip to Vancouver has proven to be such a thing.

I arrived with sadness and disbelief that such a luminous soul was no longer with us. And yet this visit, including reconnecting with very dear friends and attending a wonderful celebration of Debrah and her life, has left me inspired.

I am blessed with so many genuinely great people in my life. And I feel the impulse to pay that forward as Debrah would do.

Debrah Rafel

It is with a heavy heart that I write that a wonderful woman, Debrah Rafel, has passed away in Vancouver at the age of 47. She has been an amazing friend as well as my yoga teacher, coach and colleague over the years. I will miss her very, very much.

My thoughts and love go out to Debrah's beautiful young daughters Ava and Marlowe, step-son Tyler and husband Don, as well as their family.

Twice the joy!

My dear friend, Debrah, just celebrated the birth of her twin girls Ava and Marlowe on July 3.

They're her first children and an amazing gift as she and her fiance begin their new family together.

It was exciting and heart-warming to hear the news and to imagine their new life full of love, joy, fun and adventure.

"What have you been up to?"

This is a commonly asked question as we slowly but surely catch up with friends far and near. Maggy and I have been BUSY settling into our new environment.

There was Christmas, New Year's & Easter with family in Oshawa, visiting friends in Toronto and Ottawa, 5 birthdays - with 3 more fast approaching, babysitting, seeing movies, going to
hockey games, visiting the zoo, helping family renovate, and for Maggy - making peace with Ginger, her new companion and competitor. (They have actually become an interesting balancing act and tag team. What Ginger doesn't like to eat, Maggy does. When Maggy goes outside, they both get a treat; when Ginger goes out they both get a treat, and so it goes. You'll note that the entire universe for both now revolves around food.)

My friend Debrah recently observed that this has been the honeymoon period following our move. We've been able to hang out and get re-acquainted with everyone. Life has been rich, full and fun. Very social, little stress - joyful, really. What a wonderful way to transition... and a great new beginning, indeed.

I know what you're thinking - yes, but what about a job? As much as this hiatus has been enjoyable, reality is now dictating the need to work once more. An employment search is now in full swing with lots of networking, applying and interviewing taking place. I'm very lucky to have the family support that is allowing my search for the right fit. And while summer and my parent's backyard pool are beginning to beckon, it looks like I'll soon be heading back into the trenches once more. Will definitely keep ya posted.

Photo: Nieces and nephew Aleah, Liam & Claire celebrating something!